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CornholePortal.com Faux News(sorry Fox)


-- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- Abilene TX (Unassociated Press) - May 1, 2010

The all new CornholePortal.com is coming. Be afraid....be very afraid! - MLB Cornhole Boards


-- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- Abilene TX (Unassociated Press) - JUNE 6, 2008

Springboro, Ohio-based cornholeportal.com board of directors has decided to investigate the various doomsday reports (that all seem to originate in Texas) by initiating an enterprising new doomsday survival program.  Owing to a down turn in the over all Cornhole game industry, CEO/CFO John Edelmann had petitioned the board earlier today to field a new service to the cornhole-playing public, to purchase coupons which will enable would-be doomsday enthusiasts to be guaranteed one of a limited number of seats aboard a new Doomsday Transit Authority Ark, should the need for such a vessel arise.

After discussing the issue with the board, it was agreed that this "ark" will provide safe passage to those enterprising individuals who are willing to contribute a small sum of money in exchange for a coupon with a special serial number, which will serve as a seat reservation of sorts.  No representation is made, of course, regarding the need for such a vessel, the likelihood of any impending doomsday event, nor the probability of increased survival should passage aboard the ark be booked.  Says Edelmann, "Given the rampant hysteria around doomsday predictions these days, we feel confident that we'll be sold out of seats in no time."

Further, in an effort to minimize the financial burden such a venture will likely entail, the directors of cornholeportal.com have decided to branch out and in so doing, have created the new J3+T (triple J + T) consortium to handle the impending business affairs.  This concern will be operated out of Abilene, Texas, in keeping with the propensity the state has for attracting cults, prophets, and other soothsayers of doomsday hysteria.  "We were afraid we might not be taken seriously, if word were to get out that we were really operating out of Springboro, Ohio", acknowledged Edelmann.

As a result of the tremendous interest we have received in this endeavor, TripleJ+T has moved ahead with plans to make these coupons available to the doomsday focused public.   Therefore, to purchase your very own coupon click on the "buy now" button located below.  Each coupon costs just $4.00. After paying with paypal, you will receive an Email with a download link to acquire your very own coupon.

Actual ticket prices to secure Ark passage have not been established, but are expected to be in the range of from $500 for 2nd and 3rd class accommodations to as high as $1500 depending on the availability of balconies and other amenities.

Please Note: Your $4.00 constitutes a contribution to the DTAA endeavor.  It is neither tax deductible nor refundable in keeping with Payloadz rules regarding the purchase of electronic media (PDF file).  If you do not receive the email with the download link for your PDF coupon, please check to make sure your email is able to RECEIVE email from the Payloadz website.  It may have been intercepted as junk mail.

ABOUT CORNHOLEPORTAL.COM

Cornholeportal.com is a typical fly by night ".com" producer of cornhole game sets, plans, and proprietor of sometimes useless information related to the sport of cornhole.  Ran out of a garage, the concern has been a major player in the corn kernel-based entertainment industry since July 5, 2003, and boasts rapidly decreasing annual sales of what was once nearly (but not quite) $1.5K. A widely known secret is that the concern also makes fine local wines, including grape, elder blossom, and mulberry.

WEBSITE: www.cornholeportal.com


-- FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- Springboro, OH (Unassociated Press) - AUG 17 2007

Springboro, Ohio-based cornholeportal.com reported a major slump in 3rd quarter sales of finished cornhole games sets.  This comes as more bad news to the already shaky stock market awash in red this week, as investors seek to minimize fallout from the recent volatility of the Dow.  "We have to conclude", says CEO/CFO John Edelmann, "that people are too concerned about having a house over their heads, to have time to entertain neighbors and family over a quiet game of CornHole."

You'd think, though, that relaxation is just what the masses need.

"We feel that once the mortgage crisis bottoms out, there will be whole scale resurgence in party pastimes, including, of course, CornHole gaming equipment", Edelmann said.  "Once people have a warm fuzzy feeling that they'll be able to keep their game sets out of the elements in their own garages and homes again, the market will certainly rebound."

Of course, the impact of the cornhole game slump isn't limited to cornholeportal.com.  "We feel that the impact of burgeoning stock piles of farm corn used to make the bags used for the popular game will have dire consequences for farmers nationwide, as the price of feed corn falls as well," states Jerry Steiner, cornholeportal.com Board Chairman. "Smaller corn farmers will likely go out of business, unless they secure interested buyers for ethanol fuel producers." On the other hand, the result of decreased corn bag sales may, in fact, be a boon to the meat industry, as the over all price of feed corn for beef producers falls.

"If fewer sales of our cornhole games result in cheaper steak, then I'm all for it," quipped Steiner.

Following that strange statement, it was reported that CEO/CFO Edelmann noted with dismay that perhaps it would be better to sell homemade wine instead.

Given the fact that cornholeportal.com is a privately held company with a majority of its business operated from a garage, Chicago Board of Trade analysts are left scratching their collective heads, as to why there would be a relationship between the woes of cornholeportal.com, and the price of commodities such as feed corn.  Analyst Larry Wholescumb said "We feel that the impact of corn hole gaming and the price of corn is really over blown.   Certainly," he said, "the impact on the lumber industry should be far greater." Canadian plywood and other lumber materials are a main constituent in reputable cornhole game set manufacture.

ABOUT CORNHOLEPORTAL.COM

Cornholeportal.com is a typical fly by night ".com" producer of cornhole game sets, plans, and proprietor of sometimes useless information related to the sport of cornhole.  Ran out of a garage, the concern has been a major player in the corn kernel-based entertainment industry since July 5, 2003, and boasts rapidly decreasing annual sales of what was once nearly (but not quite) $1.5K. A widely known secret is that the concern also makes fine local wines, including grape, elder blossom, and mulberry.

WEBSITE: www.cornholeportal.com

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